Life Change

I apologize being away so long. Since my last post, life has taken a new direction for our little family. But let me start at the beginning...

Jason has been very firm about not having any more children. It's hard for him to balance work and home as it is and the boys are definitely a challenge for us. I won't even get into the numerous financial reasons he has given me...which, when I stop being so stubborn totally make sense. So in December I gave up on the thought of having more children and made a promise to take the pill like a good girl (I had taken a 3 month break with the hope that I could convince Jason that we should have just one more baby).

The time for Scrap Etc came. I was so stressed at work, stressed about getting ready for the trip and stressed about leaving Jason in charge for more than 24 hours. I normally have some spotting for about 4 days before finally getting my period and that seemed to start the Wednesday before we left for Nashville. Great...I was going to have my period while at this fantastic event. During our time in Nashville, I scrapped with the divas, consumed way too much caffeine and drank about 2-3 beers every night. I had a great time!

The next Thursday, my mom and I went to the Keith Urban/Carrie Underwood. As we were waiting for the concert to begin (consuming a very large Bud Light), I joked around that my period never really came. Wouldn't it be funny if I were pregnant? No, not really. I just had xrays done on my back and hips and I signed a freakin waiver that said there was no way in hell I could possibly be pregnant. Besides...I was taking the pill. The subject was closed and I had another extra large Bud Light.

Friday morning I woke up with this nagging voice in my head. For some reason, it kept telling me to take a pregnancy test. I had absolutely no desire to go out and buy a pregnancy test since it would probably be a total waste of money. But wait! About 8 months ago, my period was late and I thought I may be pregnant so I bought a 2pack. I rummaged through the hallway closet and dug out that extra pregnancy test. I peed on the stick and went about my business getting the boys ready for the day. As I was getting the kids in the truck I remembered that stick waiting on the bathroom counter. I quickly ran in the house to look at the "negative" test. Wasn't I surprised to find the word "positive" in the results section. Way to go for digital pregnancy tests...I never could figure out the one line vs two line thing.

So I'm pregnant. I wanted to keep it quiet until after my 8 week visit on 5/13 with my doctor, but it's getting harder and harder. As the shock wears off, the excitement is settling in. Yesterday I saw my rheumatologist. I was concerned about being pregnant without taking any medication. I went through both of my other pregnancies on both prednisone and plaquenil and just assumed that he would put me back on something. Nope. I'm staying medication free for this pregnancy unless my symptoms should change. Yeah! They ran a full blood panel and took a urine sample as a "starting" point. Unless something comes up, I won't see my rheumatologist again until after the baby is born in December.

I've tried explaining to Ayden that he's going to have a brother or sister, but Ayden only wants a sister. He's wanted a sister for the longest time now and seriously thought we could buy one at Target...we buy everything else at Target so why not? I've decided to drop the subject for now.

Jason didn't take the news too well. He thought we were done. He thought we had two more years before both of the boys would be in school. Two more years and we could get a larger house, take more vacations, buy another vehicle. He's being a trooper though. After I took his face in my hands, looked him straight in the eyes and simply said "this is happening...there is no way to turn back now", he seemed to understand and start accepting.

Trust me...this baby is already so loved, it just came as a total surprise to us and we need some time for it to fully sink in. For me, it will sink in when I have my first ultrasound on the 13th and see baby whozit for the first time. The tears will sting my eyes and I'll have a happy smile on my face as I float out of the office. It may take Jason a bit longer, but he's such a good daddy to Ayden and Jameson so I know he'll be a good daddy to little whozit too.

Tell the story only you can tell...

...this was the theme for the 08 Scrap Etc Event. I love it...it's something that I've been thinking about for the past year. Who's going to tell my story if not me?? No one. Because no one understands me better than me.

But as I sat in my classes and listened to some of the instructors talk about their story, I realized that I'm a pretty lucky girl. Some of these women are considered celebrities in the scrapbooking world so to hear them open their hearts and talk about their personal experiences, I was shocked to find that they haven't always been happy...they haven't always lived a charmed life. They had unhappy moments in their marriage, didn't enjoy being pregnant, battled postpartum depression and seriously thought at times that they no longer wanted to be moms...or wives.

Ayden and Jameson are both a handful. They're crazy...they're BOYS! I loved being pregnant with them and would do it again in a heartbeat!! I was in total awe after both of my deliveries and I felt nothing but an overwhelming surge of love flow through me. I can't imagine it being any other way and feel so sad that any woman would be deprived of these emotions.

I agree with the instructors that you need to tell your story...good and bad. But looking back, I realize that I have way more good than bad in my life. I want my boys to know that. I want them to know that they were born because their parents loved eachother and wanted them more than anything. I want them to know that as parents, Jason and I have both struggled but in the end we love them greatly. I want them to know who we are, were we came from and what our dreams are. Maybe when they become adults and find that someone special to marry and have babies of their own, our story will inspire them. They will look back and see that despite the struggles, we were happy. They'll know it's okay to have doubts, it's okay to be scared, it's okay to trust but most importantly I hope they'll know that we lived our lives to the fullest and cherished the special moments we've exprienced as a family.

Will I continue to bitch about having to clean poop off of every surface of the bathroom? Will I continue to complain when my children misbehave or drive me to the brink of insanity? Will I still lose my temper and lock myself in my bedroom for at least 2 minutes of quiet time? Of course! I wouldn't be human if I didn't. But if I took one thing back from this trip, it's that it could be so much worse...that I need to get over the bad times quickly because something good is right around the corner and I'd hate to miss it.

So I promise to finish downloading my photos tonight and get them uploaded into flickr. I'm also resuming my birthday countdown for Jameson by posting another picture of him today. 15 more days until my little goober turns 2!

We're Back!

I'm exhausted
My brain is a jumbled mess...inspiration overload will do that to me
Had an awesome time in Nashville
Saw a ton of my favorite bloggers but didn't have the guts to meet them
Learned a lot about my lovely friends
So grateful for them opening their hearts and sharing their life experiences with me
Jason did great with the boys
I'm totally swamped at work with the audit beginning today
Ayden has a follow up appointment with the dermatologist today
Not wanting to tackle all of the laundry/housecleaning this week

Must run. I'll try and post some pictures of the projects we did at the Event later in the week.

Oh so happy...

...that this is my last day of work for the week! I can't believe that it's finally time for the big Event. I feel like we've been waiting forever for this trip!! Tomorrow morning I'll drop the boys off at the usual time and then head home to get ready and pack. We plan on being on the road by 9am since we have numerous scrapbook stores that we want to check out on our way to Nashville. We'll probably make it to the Opryland Hotel just in time for registration and kick-off:)

You have no idea how excited I am about these 4 days away. I love my boys and Jason with all of my heart, but sometimes I need some girlfriend time. We talk about our husbands, our children and most of all scrapbooking/photography. I feel so blessed to have these women in my life who enjoy so many of the things that I enjoy. My mom is truly my best friend (along with Jason, of course) and we are so fortunate to do so many fun things together.

Jason has promised to be home nice and early tonight so I can concentrate on laundry, packing and cookie making while he entertains the boys. I've agreed to bring M&M and oatmeal raisin cookies along for the trip and I don't want to let the girls down. We're going to need the sugar to balance out all of the salt from the chips Judy is bringing:)

My mom is planning on bringing her laptop but I still don't know if I'll be posting during the trip. Who knows. If not, I promise to catch up on Jameson pictures when I get back. For now, here's one to get you through the weekend.

This picture is from January 07 - Jameson is finally starting to look like the little boy that he is today.

Please, please, please slow down!

I just don't know what's been going on lately, but life has been crazier than normal. Most of it is work related.

Next week begins our 2007 audit. I've been working like a mad woman to make sure that I have all of my payroll/benefits stuff ready by the time I leave work tomorrow since I'll be off Thursday and Friday for the Scrap Etc. Event.

I guess that sort of leads up to my next stress contributor. I have laundry to finish and grocery shopping to do. I haven't even started to pack...clothes or scrap supplies. I'm trying to make this as easy on Jason as possible so I want everything to be perfect when I leave. I'm very relieved that our dear friend Judy who will be traveling with us has gotten most of the supplies together for all of us. If she needed to order a white journaling pen, she ordered 4. I love her. Remember all that "homework" that I mentioned they were assigning to us to get ready for our classes??? I've done NONE of it.

Next week (our first week of audit) is another short week for me. I'm taking a half day on Thursday because of the Keith/Carrie concert with my mom that night and then we both took off on Friday because who the heck wants to go to work after getting about 4 hours of sleep. Since I would normally transmit payroll on Friday, I have to transmit on Wednesday (this is also to help out my boss who is going to Costa Rica the following week) and get the bulk of my month-end recons/entries done on Thursday before I leave. Yahoo! I'm getting tired just thinking about it.

The last week of April is another doozy. Our building is going through a "space planning" thing and most of the departments are relocating to other areas of the building. I'm one of them. I'm moving upstairs to the Centennial Olympic Park side of the building. So that week I'll be cleaning out my office and packing up. I have to be completely ready for the movers by end of day on Thursday. They've given us Friday off because our stuff may or may not have been moved yet. You want to know the best part (this is said very sarcastically)...my office will be right across from our CFO. So not only do I do all of the payroll, benefit billing, benefit enrollments, support our HR director; I will now be considered support for our CFO. No, I'm not just jumping to conclusions. He's already taking advantage of our situation by giving me certain tasks to perform. Who says no to the CFO though? Seriously, the do not pay me enough.

Remember that CPP exam I was soooo excited to take because it would mean a nice little pay increase? Well, that is probably not going to happen because the testing window closes at the end of April and I am so not prepared to take the exam. My boss wants me to take it anyway because she is fabulous and has so much confidence that I'll pass, but I'm really not ready. I haven't had the time to study at work like I thought I would. Too much has been going on. I will probably postpone taking the exam until the fall so I can take the summer to study.

Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for letting me get all of that off my chest...not like you really had choice since this is my blog. But still, thank you.

I'm really looking forward to all of our out of town company in May. You may think that's insane after everything that I've got coming up in next couple of weeks, but I'm seriously looking forward to it. When my parents or Jason's parents are here, there is less chaos at home. The boys aren't constantly tugging at me to this or do that or take them somewhere or give them a sippy or get them a snack. The grandparents just sort of take over in that area! And when Debbie (my MIL) is here, she cooks, does laundry and keeps the house nice and tidy. It's almost like a chorus of angels start to sing every time I walk through the door!! I find I have more time to play with the boys since there is less "other" stuff to do.

So the bottom line is that if I can just get through the next 2 1/2 weeks, I'll be fine:)

I can't leave without posting a picture of Jameson. Can you believe I'm actually keeping up with this??? I certainly can't!

This picture is from Christmas 06. I love this picture because it's the stereotypical "mouth-wide-open-eyes-bulging-out" photo that we all have of ourselves when we were babies. Jameson was a little overwhelmed with all the hoopla of present opening.

Didn't want to forget!

It has been a CRAZY, CRAZY day and my head is pounding along with my back. Yippee.

I didn't get around to posting a picture of Jameson yesterday (or going by my mom's for some pics from September -November) so I'll play catch up today. Both of these pictures are from December 2006.

Oh wait! I just scored when I looked back at my mom's old Kodak Galleries. I have a picture from September and October. Yeah!

This first picture is from Powers Crossroads in September. It was so darn hot that year and we had that baby stripped down to nothing but a diaper. See that fat "limb" in the air? I almost freaked out when I posted this picture because I thought it was my arm! Then I realized it was just Jameson's leg in the air. Whoooo!

Onto the second picture. This one is from Oktoberfest in Helen, GA. Jameson had this thing about sucking his thumb while hanging onto something else. In this case, it was my fingers. Actually, he still does this! Thank goodness my baby still wants to be a baby:)

See you again tomorrow!

Always in a hurry!

As is usual lately, this is a super quick post inbetween projects and things on my to-do list. So far I've been busy cleaning the house and doing laundry in anticipation of my little Scrap Club vacation this week. The girls and I (minus Pam) are cruising up to Nashville on Thursday for 4 days of fun and scrapping. Soooooo....after Wednesday, I'll have to catch up on Jameson photos on Sunday when I get back.

This picture is from late August. Now, some of you may not remember but my camera was getting fixed during September, October and November 2006. I'll have to see if my mom has any good pictures of Jameson from those months so I don't just skip forward to December tomorrow.

So happy it's Friday!

I seriously couldn't be any happier that today is Friday. It has been a crazy week and I'm ready for the weekend. I only wish the beautiful weather that we've had all week would stay with us, but we're supposed to get some horrible storms/hail tonight and the temps will drop from the 80's to the 50's. Figures. At least Jason was able to get the front and back yards mowed while it was nice out!

So onto today's picture of Jameson. I love this picture. It was taken in August...around the time he started to develop his little personality. Lots of smiles and giggles. Oh, happy times!

Just a picture today

I'm sort of in a foul mood so instead of blessing you with a synopsis of why, I'm just posting a picture of my little goober.

This was from our trip to Wisconsin in July of 2006. You know...the vacation that lead to "the" waterskiing accident. The very waterskiing accident that landed me in some northwoods hospital for two days. The waterskiing accident that did some very serious and permanent damage to my girlie parts. Oh yes...that accident!

Anyways, about my cute goober picture. This was from our very first day of vacation, right off the airplane. We had lunch with just about every person we knew from the area since we were spending the rest of our vacation at both of our families cottages. Jameson was being passed around from one person to the next but I just love this photo of him with his Uncle Ryan.

Awwwwww. Isn't he just soooo cute??? Okay, both Jameson and Ryan are pretty darn cute. Now if only we could get Ryan to meet a nice girl, get married and have babies of his own, I may not feel the need to keep popping them out myself!

Clarification

Real quick - I had a few emails from people asking me what hydroxychloroquin is and why I was taking it.

I was taking hydroxychloroquin (otherwise known as hydroxy throughout the rest of this post) for my Lupus. This is how my doctor explain it to me...

Having Lupus is like having a house fire inside of you. When the fire is raging out of control and there are flames everywhere, I take prednisone (a yucky steroid that is pure evil) to calm the fire down. Once the fire is contained again, I take hydroxy to keep the embers from turning into an inferno again. When I had my flare in 2003, they put me on both prednisone and hydroxy. Because neither drug can pass through the placenta, I was able to stay on both while pregnant with the boys. Prednisone is not something that you just stop taking. You have to taper down. Last March my doctor finally tapered me off of prednisone (thank you Dr. Wilson!) and I've been only taking hydroxy...to maintain the embers. Right now I'm taking nothing because my doctor has liked my blurred vision to the hydroxy. So I've got my fingers crossed that my body with cooperate and not start another inferno...or in Lupus terms...a flare.

This is also why I was soooo upset to have to take the 6-day prednisone pack for my back. It's an evil, evil drug that I despise! I was so proud when I was able to stop taking it last February. To be on it even for 6 days really upset me. This is also why I have to wait another 3 weeks before I can go in for blood work. Prednisone controls Lupus so any blood work done right now wouldn't give them a good reading of how I'm doing without the hydroxy.

Now for a picture of Jameson. This was taken in June during one of Ayden's baths. Apparently it wasn't exciting enough for Jameson so he slept through it.

Medical Update

These are so boring, but it always seems like our family is in the middle of some medical mystery.

The boys are doing fine....knock on wood. Jameson has been doing so much better since we put a pillow in his crib. I have no idea if it's because of the pillow, but he hasn't had a cold or ear infection in months. All of the scabs from Ayden's blisters are now gone and his skin is healing nicely. He goes back to see Dr. Slagel in 2 weeks for a recheck. I haven't seen any more bumps so hopefully the mollescum is gone. I really don't want Ayden to go through the whole blister/scabbing process again.

Jason is still dealing with his eczema, but he gets no sympathy from me. There are so many things that he could do to lessen the problem, but he's always in too much of a hurry. He only uses his cream when his skin gets really bad instead of using it consistently. Other than that, he has the typical war wounds from work. He's always coming home with some sort of gashed or bashed appendage. That's my bunny...such a "hard workin' man" as Ayden would say.

I seem to be the one with all of the problems lately. We have definitely determined that the hydroxychloroquin was the cause of my blurred vision. I've been off that medication for 3 weeks now and I haven't had an episode in 2 weeks. Dr. Wilson wanted me to come in after 3 weeks for blood work to determine if everything was functioning fine without medication or if I needed to be put on something new. That has been put on hold because I started to have horrible back pain again. I've been dealing with back pain every day for the past 2 years, but most of the time it's something I can deal with. About every 4-6 months I do something to aggravate it. I'm sick of paying $600 to the chiropractor every time this happens and since I've already maxed out my deductible this year, I thought I'd see my PCP. Dr. Danforth put me on the 6 day prednisone pack and had me go in for xrays on my hip and back. I've also been referred to an orthopedic specialist. Because of the prednisone pack, I've had to postpone the blood work for my Lupus since I need to be medication free for 3 weeks. I haven't gotten the xray results yet and I can't see the specialist until 5/1. That's also about the time I can finally see Dr. Wilson for blood work. So in about 3 weeks I'll have an update about my back/hip and my Lupus. In the mean time, I only seem so suffer while I'm sitting or bending. Fun stuff I tell you!

Bonnie and Clyde are also doing well. We had Clyde's anal gland rechecked a couple of weeks ago and everything was looking good. He goes back in on the 26th and if everything still looks good, we can go to quarterly visits. Bonnie is in serious need of some doggie braces, but I keep telling her that her crooked teeth just give her more character. I don't think she's falling for it.

As promised, another picture of Jameson. This is Memorial Day weekend...a couple of weeks after he was born.

He cracks me up...

Here's a snippet of our dinner conversation tonight:

Me: Mimi, I think Ayden is cute.
Mimi: Well I think he's adorable.
Me: Well I think he's precious.

Ayden: Well I think you guys are nuts!

Yup, we're probably both nuts....but we're crazy in love with my little man!!!

Birthdays, birthdays and more birthdays!

I love birthdays!

First of all, today is my very dear friend's birthday. Everyone say it with me...Happy Birthday Erin! Erin is Jameson's Godmother and one of my BFFs. I miss her so much since moving to Georgia. We've actually known each other since elementary school, but rekindled our friendship after I moved back to Wisconsin in 2000. She's such a genuine person and we never fail to have fun when we are together.

To keep with the birthday theme, we celebrated another good friend's birthday on Sunday during Scrap Club. Pam made the most beautiful cookies that looked like hats and also made a birthday cake for Judy that was in the shape of a hat. We had decided on a girlie tea party theme for this month's meeting. We had cucumber sandwiches, chicken and tuna salad with crackers, a beautiful pasta salad and a fruit salad with a sinful dip. The only thing missing was the tea and the sun so we could dine al fresco. Judy's birthday isn't until the 25th, but this is the only time that we're all together in April. Next week we'll celebrate again at the Scrap Etc event in Nashville with me, Judy, Chere and my mom. I am sooooo excited about Scrap Etc. Not only the 4 days away from home (I desperately need a little break) but to spend those 4 days doing what I love most with some of the people I love most. I haven't really done any of the homework for the event but am not overly concerned. I'm going to have fun and that's all that matters!

Back to birthday's. Did you know that one month from today my little goober will be turning 2? I can't believe it! On one hand, it seems like it was just yesterday that we were bringing our new baby home from the hospital. On the other hand...he's still such a baby!! To celebrate Jameson's upcoming birthday on May 7th, I'll be posting a picture of him each day from the past 23 months. Fun! So here's the first picture...

Announcing Jameson Bradley Payne! Born May 7th 2006 at 8:55pm. Weighing in at 5lbs 7oz. Wasn't he soooo little??

Like I need more in my life!

Ya'll know how much I love photography and scrapping. If you don't...where the hell have you been? You certainly haven't been reading this blog!

Okay, so I love photography and scrapping. I love photographing and scrapping my family the most...works well for all of us. But lately I've been feeling like there's more out there. I really wasn't sure what that "more" was but I just KNEW that there was more for me to learn. After spending numerous hours blog stalking, (definition of blog stalking: reading one person's blog, which leads you to another blog, which leads you to another blog, which leads you to another blog until finally you have no idea how the hell you got to the current blog) I stumbled onto this woman's blog who loves to knit and quilt. These are two things that I've always admired, but from afar. My great grandma used to quilt and knit. In fact, one of Jameson's crib blankets is a quilt she made for Ayden. Both boys have used it. I love that quilting and knitting can produce things that will be passed down to other generations. Sort of like the scrapbooks that I will some day complete.

So maybe quilting and knitting are my "more". Seriously, how suzy-homemaker is that? Pretty soon I'm going to be a stay-at-home-mom who cooks, sews, knits, quilts and scrapbooks!! No offense to any SAHM who does all of that but when you grow up with the vision of having some high-profile career making tons of money in a big city, the whole suzy-homemaker thing seems a bit foreign. Since I haven't exactly done the high-profile job making tons of money thing either, I think I need to find that happy medium. How about working/creative mom. Yeah, that sounds good.

The entire point to this is that I think I need to find some "more" and maybe quilting and knitting is it. I need to be able to something creative while sitting on the deck watching the boys play or while we watch yet another episode of Scooby Doo. I think the next step for me will be to buy some "beginning" quilting and knitting books and possibly buy the basic yet necessary tools.

I'll keep you posted. Who knows, maybe this year for Christmas you'll be getting a homemade scarf and quilt! Believe me, crazier things have happened....

Her name is Rio...

...and she dances on the sand.

I truly have some of the greatest friends! Chere and her husband get season box tickets to Chastain Park every year. She's mentioned that if there's ever anything we want to see, we should just let her know. Well, Jason's favorite 80's band, Duran Duran, is playing and Chere is graciously giving us her tickets.

You have no idea how excited Jason and I are. We play their Greatest Hits CD almost every weekend and dance around the living room with the boys. Rio is Jason's ring tone on his cell phone. We love Duran Duran and now we get to see them in concert!!!

See you soon boys!

Happy Anniversary!

Three years ago we became Georgia residents. I can't believe how fast the past three years have gone by. It's amazing to me what our little family has done and been through in just three short years! Moving away from Wisconsin was the hardest decision we have had to make but Jason and I both agree that it was also the best. We are so happy in our little house in Tyrone, Ga! The only way we could be happier is if we were able to see our friends in family back in Wisconsin more often. We're working on that though:)

Then....
...and now!

Because I'm in such high spirits I thought I'd list 5 random things that are making me happy right now.

1. Spring...it's everywhere! There are buds on the trees and our grass is officially green and ready for it's first mowing.

2. Scrap Club is this Sunday. You have no idea how much I look forward to this day every month! A little time away from my family to "recharge", quality time with friends and...duh...scrapping time!

3. A clean garage. This is Jason's domain and I REFUSE to clean it as well as the entire house. That being said, it's normally a total mess and I hate having to step foot in it. A couple of weeks ago Jason took everything out and cleaned and organized the entire space.

4. Ayden's "phone conversations" are one of my most favorite things right now. Lately he's been using my old cell phone to "call" people while we're driving in the truck. It cracks me up to listen to his one sided conversations. I love his imagination!!

5. Making dinner. I love coming home from work, opening up some windows and watching the boys play outside as I make dinner. For some reason, this makes my entire day worthwhile and makes me feel like a good mommy. I know too many families that go out to dinner almost every night and don't get this quality family time.

So in celebration of our 3rd anniversary of living in Georgia, what's making you happy right now?